I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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