Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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