Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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