My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
