i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
