is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
