Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Boobs speak an international language.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
