Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
