I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
