happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
