I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
