Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
