I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
