A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
