pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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