Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
