a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
