Can Purell be used as lube?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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