She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
