fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
