I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
