Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
