I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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