You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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