first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
