I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
