I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
