After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
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