Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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