They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
