I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
