Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
