The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
