end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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