The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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