I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
