girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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