What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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