the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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