Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
