The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
