saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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