i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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