White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize