brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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