Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
