Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Farmville is her only friend.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
