You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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