when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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