its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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