rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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