Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
