Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
