I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
