Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize