Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
