Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
