if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
