Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
