so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
