of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
