you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
should my penis look like a turkey
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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