I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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