awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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