Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
There's even glitter on my cock...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
