I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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