I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
