Porn is love you can see.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize