You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
