she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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