After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
