Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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