you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
