I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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