the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
