I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
