i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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