Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
