My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
