2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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