It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
