WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
