When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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