For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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