Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
