wrigley field is MILF paradise
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
