I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
