True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
high people should be assigned attendants
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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