I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
