HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
