he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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