She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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