dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
