I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
