R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
