yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I understand Curling. That high.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize