so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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