i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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