he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
