We're facebook friends in real life
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
