Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
