She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You're like the curious george of whores
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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