I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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